All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
