Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
