Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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