why didn't you poke me back
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
