her vagine was all disorganized.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
