I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
