There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
