Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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