We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
