I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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