I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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