Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Randomize
