is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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