The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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