Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
