Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
