I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
