I hate all girls vehemently.
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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