i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
