Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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