omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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