So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize