An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
