I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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