apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
