I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
