Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Randomize
