Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize