there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
