so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
You were trust falling into bushes
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
