they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
