this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
