Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
