Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
