Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
