Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
