I can text with my tongue
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize