Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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