i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
