Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
