ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
