Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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