he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
