Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
