I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
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