fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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