I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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