Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize