Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
