Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
