It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize