I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
