I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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