plz talk dirty to me
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I am available for nakedness
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
