have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
