She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
