Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
