It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
His nipple licking is glorious
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