Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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