Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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