Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize