he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
