pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
