Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Randomize
