Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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