I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Randomize
